---
title: Depression
description: Well I never thought the day would come when I would say that I feel depressed with my work, well I been this way quite a bit lately. Work is getting harder and harder to keep up with lately, not due to being over extended, just that Zetamex seems to be falling behind lately.
tags: [Personal]
published: 2013-08-12
url: /2013/08/depression/
category: Archive
draft: false

---
Well I never thought the day would come when I would say that I feel depressed with my work, well I been this way quite a bit lately. Work is getting harder and harder to keep up with lately, not due to being over extended, just that Zetamex seems to be falling behind lately.
  
I try my absolute hardest to provide the latest and greatest opensim features, code, and even give back as much as I can. But it just seems that I have started to hit a road block. Which has just made me keep pushing and pushing harder, but it doesn't seem to be budging at all. I mean Zetaworlds is delayed because I am just to finish the new ZetaPanel 2.0 which is very complex piece of work. I am the only developer of it, and it so hard to put together since I am not even a real programmer.

I been trying really hard lately to get Zetamex looked at as a top player, but the only thing that I know is stopping me is that I am not a real programmer. I can write some messy code, that can do things and work, but by no means am I as good as the Snoopy of DreamlandMetaverse or the team behind Kitely, or even that of open grids like Metropolis. That is why when I make code, I opensource it, allow people to take develop and make it better so Zetamex can benefit as well as the rest of the community.

I guess I am just depressed lately because I really don't know how well this is going to work. I mean Zetaworlds is a big project, and so is ZetaPanel 2.0 which is due to go public and opensource. I just know that I put 110% into everything I do and I am still hitting the peak of my knowledge and having to crack out books, online tutorials, call in favors, just to finish these projects. I just wish I knew how to program like the rest of my competition, then maybe I could offer some good services that are better than they are now.

I am just a 21 year old man, who has had a rough life. I decided after getting fired from my part time job to create a company in the opensimulator business, and now here I am. I know Zetamex has come a long way, heck it is even 3 years old. So that all being said, I know I shouldn't be depressed, but it is really hard running a business with just one person behind the scenes. I mean we have people who come in and help here and there, but it is all me who actually operates the entire operation.

Well that is all I guess, back to work on ZetaPanel 2.0 which needs to get finished. So going to go pull out my books on PHP and MySQL to finish this off, wish me luck you guys. I will be giving away its source code when I am finished, so hopefully everyone will enjoy it.